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Dairy-Free Yogurt and Blowjobs

By Punkerslut

Image by NiD
Image: "Tracy 12" by NiD

Start Date: Friday, February 15, 2002
Finish Date: Friday, February 15, 2002

     There was Krayzie, Nikita, Ned, and myself. We had all been living in the same house together for a few weeks. Krayzie, Nikita, and me were all common run of the mill non-conformists. We owned the house. Ned was relatively new. He was a fan in an audience that listened to one of my speeches. We were all Atheists, Vegans, and Free Lovers. We tried to convince others to live accordingly. Our lives and relations with each other were very affectionate. That is not to say that we did not get frustrated with the world and society, as we detested its principles. It is to say that when we interacted, we smiled with a sigh, with our chins in our palms, head bent down so that the pupils were at the top of the eyelid, our souls teeming with contentness, almost lazily. That was who we were.

     Ned, however, was not normal to this set up. We often invited guests to our house -- other Atheists, other Vegans, other Free Lovers. We always welcomed the free exchange of ideas. Sometimes friends would come to our house. Sometimes acquaintances. There was once a lot more people living with us. At one time, our house was used by 15 people on a daily basis. We cooked for each other, rubbed each others' backs, played chess with each other, talked with each other. But they had all moved on, forming their "informal communes" and delivering speeches of their own. Ned was still new to us. We had allowed him stay at our house. He was amongst a crowd of people particularly moved by my words. We offered him stay yet he insisted on paying us -- we wouldn't accept anything higher than $150, but that was no problem: he offered $100, which was fine by us.

     Like the rest of us, he was having problems readjusting. His sanity was being testing. Dealing away with the traditional construct of monogamy was difficult, just as giving up the idea that he may feast upon the flesh of his fellow creatures. But now he was not a Monogamist or an Omnivore. He was careful about his decisions. Thoughtful to every concept. He seemed more agitated, lately. He was less interested in the books, speeches, lectures, and movies which had brought him into our select gathering and more interested in coping, dealing, and surviving in this seemingly difficult world.

     Our kitchen and living room were connected at one part. There was a big wide opening doorway that made moving into and out of them much easier. It was godless-send when we had so many more people living with us. It was that day that I was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, eating with a metal spoon from a cup of dairy-free yogurt. To my right was Krayzie, perusing the contents of our refrigerator. On the left of me, to the other side of the kitchen was Nikita, leaning back on the counter looking rather relaxed. In the living room across from us, however, was Ned pacing back and forth. It had been about four straight weeks since his deconversion.

     "You all right there, Neddy?" I asked, raising both of my eyebrows concerned. He looked occupied. Apparently, he didn't answer me.

     "You okay?" I asked again.

     He looked up, releasing a moan. "Huh?" he said, "No, I don't know."

     Nikita looked up from her lazy mental sleep, taking concern in the situation.

     Krayzie slammed the refrigerator door, taking with him a bowl of grapes. I took another spoonful of dairy-free yogurt into my mouth. "You want anything to eat, Ned?" Krayzie asked the disoriented man.

     "No, I don't know what I want," Ned said, then he turned to us with a very as-a-matter-of-factly presence, his hands on his hips, moving his head back and forth almost forcefully with each syllable he pronounced, "I can't deal with this. I can't deal with living without meat. I need to have beef and chicken to live. And I can't deal with Atheism. I believe in god anyway. Just not one of any of the religions. Finally, I can't deal with Free Love. Polyamory is not for me. I need Monogamy. I need security. I cannot live without that. People look at me different now knowing I am not a Monogamist. They think I'm a weirdo. I just.... I just can't deal. And I don't like it. And I can't handle it's. And it's just way too much. And, and, and...." He put his hand flat out, side on his eyebrows, not absorbing the tears but hiding the crying from us.

     Nikita got up from her stool and walked over to Ned, my eyes not following her until she got past the doorway that connected the kitchen and the living room. Krayzie was concerned, watching Nikita walk over Ned, while putting a grape in his mouth. Nikita put her arms around Ned. He smothered his depression-ridden face on her shoulder, she tugging harder at his back, making him feel welcomed. I put my dairy-free yogurt on the table with the spoon and got up to go over and comfort him, too, but then Krayzie tugged on my shirt. "What?" I said in a whisper as to not disturb the two. He had a grape in his mouth, so he could not answer me. In fact, he had several grapes in his mouth. He seemed almost agitated that I was going over to the two, but I didn't. He had pulled me back in time. I sat back down on the stool, picking up my dairy-free yogurt and taking the spoon with the other hand, dipping it up and down to mix it more than it already was.

     By the time Ned was done crying his worries out on the shoulder of Nikita, her hands were already behind his neck. They looked at each other and started kissing. Krayzie made a big smile, thrusted his eyebrows by about a mile, nodded his head repeatedly, and took one long glance at me. I looked at him in doubt as to what was in procession. Soon enough, they were on the couch making out. By but now, Krayzie was concentrating more on his grapes than what was going on. I had not eaten any dairy-free yogurt in a while, my eyes fixated on the action.

     "What do you think about this?" I asked.

     "Think about what?" Krayzie retorted.

     I rolled my eyes. "Think about them making out just like that," I asked again, holding out my hand as though doing so could help me demonstrate my point.

     "Oh, well, I could see it happening," Krayzie said, "Affection and lust. What more do you want?" He popped another grape into his mouth. Feeling somewhat eased, I took another spoon of dairy-free yogurt.

     "How's your sherbet?" he asked.

     "It's not sherbet," I said, "It's dairy-free yogurt. And if you could tell that they were going to make out, then what will they do next?" I did not ask this as though to debunk his seemingly psychological powers, but rather inquisitively.

     "She's going to suck his dick," he said, putting yet another grape into his mouth.

     I lifted one eyebrow. "You sure?"

     "Positive," he said, cleaning up a little bit of a mix of saliva and grape blood that had landed on his fly pants and fixing his posture. "See, Nikita is sexually secure with herself. She knows who she is. And she knows who Ned is. Ned just needs some good loving to know what humaneness is all about."

     "Well, that's your theory," I said.

     "Got a better one?"

     I rested my fingers on my chin, my thumb fixed on one part and the four fingers caressing the unshaved, hairy surface of my face. I thoughtfully looked up at the ceiling, trying to think. "No, actually," I replied, "I do not have a better theory."

     "Look!" he said putting another grape in his mouth, pointing to them kissing, and then with some difficulty from the food, "She's already kissing his neck."

     "Suspicious," I said, looking at them make out and taking another spoon of dairy-free yogurt.

     "Yeah," he said nodding his head, "I guess the world is just that way." After a short pause, he took another grape into his mouth.

     I looked down at my dairy-free yogurt, mixed it with my spoon, and then took another mouthful. "There's supposed to be a really good debate on TeeVee later tonight," Krayzie said, "I heard that some scientists from the National Academy of Science are going to debate Creationists. Should be bloody."

     "That should prove fruitfully sufficient to the daily dose of carnage," I said, taking another mouthful of dairy-free yogurt.

     "Yeah," he said, "It'll make that Roberts-Bradlaugh debate look like Kidney-garten." He left his stool, going to the fridge and rummaging around more.

     "What are you doing?" I said, looking down at him.

     "Getting some more grapes," he said, "What does it look like?"

     "Wasn't sure," I said. Krayzie then sat back down on his stool, putting his feet up on one of the bars, releasing a sigh as before he feasted on his recently procured meal, looking greedily down on the luscious balls of fruit.

     "Hey, Krayzie," I said, "Does fruit ever remind you of sex?" I took another spoonful of dairy-free yogurt as he ate another grape.

     His back to the kitchen counter, right elbow leaning on counter, and left arm holding the bowl. "You know," he said, "I think it does."

     "Hey, look," Krayzie said, almost excited to show me, "There goes his shirt."

     "I'd rather have her take her shirt off," I said, almost grumpily.

     Krayzie playfully tapped me on the shoulder, mocking a punching. I smiled, bearing my full set of teeth. My head was on my palm, the fingers making certain patches of hair jut out irregularly. I was focused on the action. Nikita was kissing Ned's stomach.

     "I like it when she kissed my stomach," I said.

     "That wasn't my favorite part," Krayzie said, eating another grape and looking at me squarely as though it made him look even more steadfast in his belief, bending his head down and narrowing his eyebrows. I nodded at him, settling him to ease and back to his elbow-on the counter position.

     She unbuttoned the top button of his pants, unzipping his fly. "It didn't seem to go this slow when it happened to me," I said, "Watching it is almost painful."

     "Then don't watch it," Krayzie said, "But I doubt you'll leave."

     "Of course I won't leave," I said, "I already started watching. If I left now, that would be disrespectful. You don't walk out on performers and you don't walk out on people willing to shed it all in front of you." Krayzie shrugged.

     I took another spoonful of dairy-free yogurt, realizing I had reached the bottom. I scrapped the bottom of the of the plastic cup with the metal spoon, making an annoying noise. Nikita began kissing Ned's dick. "Hey, Krayzie," I said, get me some more yogurt, eh?"

     "Get it yourself," he said.

     "Hey, man," I said, taking my eyes off the action for a second, "You're closer to the fridge."

     "Capitalism is the natural system that runs the world," he said.

     "But this house is under Socialist doctrine," I said, "Look, man, you don't even have to get up. Why you got up to get your grapes, I don't know why. You enjoy rummaging through food. It's almost a hobby of yours."

     "Everybody needs a hobby," Krayzie thoughtfully offered.

     "Ain't that fucking right," I said, biting my metal spoon and not blinking as I saw a blowjob ensue from Nikita and Ned's lust.

     I finally got up, leaving my empty dairy-free yogurt container on the counter, taking one long step to the fridge, opening it up, quickly taking a dairy-free yogurt container, and then recalled my legs back to my stool. I was sitting in the 90-degree corner of the kitchen. I had my elbows on the counter. I tore the cap off the cup and put it on the table next to the already empty dairy-free yogurt container. I started mixing, all the while watching the blowjob in pursuit. By now she had the whole penis in her mouth. Ned was leaning back, staring at the ceiling with an overflow of pleasure. Together, I took a bite spoonful of dairy-free yogurt, and Krayzie took a big grape. We moved our hands slowly, watching the action in the room. Our eyes as dry as a desert, I swallowed my dairy-free yogurt slowly and Krayzie chewed his grape slowly. She was rapidly moving by now. Up and down. Up and down.

     "The moment of truth," Krayzie said, taking another grape.

     "You said it, friend," I said, taking another spoonful of dairy-free yogurt. I put my hand on his forearm, temporarily taking my gaze off of the blowjob, looking at his eyes, and said, "If it means anything, I enjoyed watching it with you." That brief remark and I went back to watching the blowjob. I saw the penis pumping intensely.

     "There it is," Krayzie said. Ned had orgasmic in Nikita's mouth, and he released a sigh of pleasure. She slowly moved to his face and gently kissed his lip. He was still out of it -- the pleasure being too much. He ran his right hand down her right side, touching her right breast in the process. She walked into the kitchen. And I smiled and nodded at her. She looked beautiful, still. She cocked her head as though she wanted something.

     "Oh!" I said realizing it. I passed to her my empty dairy-free yogurt. She took it and spit the remnants of her blowjob into it.

Punkerslut,


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