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Sexism and Sexuality

By Punkerslut

Image by Havok
Image: "Kalisti 43" by Havok

Start Date: Sunday, January 18, 2004
Finish Date: Wednesday, January 21, 2004

     We are born into this world naked, given nothing but the refuge of a family. To some, it is a great blessing, and to others, it is an abominable curse. The greatest decision in our lives that we have no choice over. But we are born into with world with a body and a mind. Two things which shall be the source of how we develop our character and personality. Little more than a conscience, an imagination, and some humble strength... We are born into this world naked. And we find ourselves being bombarded with horrific war stories, having to listen to a soldier's shaky voice describe how he lost his friend -- and when asked if he wanted revenge, by ratings-thirsty journalist, to hear that he never wanted to see any killing again. Those who do not lose their lives to the ravage of war are selling their souls to the corporate-based culture of the mainstream, as television ads and radio signals pervade the most personal aspects of our lives, based on the most recent survey of 10,000 high school students. The bombs keep falling and the "pacification" of "terrorism" continues without skipping a beat, and the far right is convinced that enough prayers and devotions will be enough to end it all, while radical cults do all they can to end it all through the use of gasoline, matches, and willpower. Police brutality increasingly becomes a part of urban life, while suburban parents are convinced that poverty in America is a lie, so that their block meetings can focus on the pride of patriotism. One third of the kids in the ghetto end up in jail, the other third homeless, and an inexact amount never make it past 18. We are born in this world naked, and those who doubt it will be the first deceivers of the last generation.

     The twilight of an orange sunset leaves us with a strong longing and a human satisfaction.

     The blessing of our mind, the gift of our body, and the freedom to use them -- perhaps the only things that may comfort us as the world continues its civil war. The soft hum of the radio, the gentle glow of television sets, the cinematic value of it all... The land is covered in propaganda, no one is right, everyone is wrong. As the wars are waged, as the desperately beautiful moments of post-modern life unfold, where are we then? We find ourselves in the one consoling sentiment that we have, the embodiment of sympathy, the empathy of kindness... We find ourselves in the strength of meaning and the hope of love. The one thing that shares the life of the soul and the depth of the mind... Sex. The tumult of passion and the expression of meaning. Yet to many, it is believed to be the actual act of penetration, but the thoughts, emotions, ideas, memories, and beliefs which have been connected to it encompass so much more than just that. It is the erotic kiss, the comforting holding, the gentle cuddling, the natural instinct of the thrust -- everything that our painters and sculptors idolized as beauty and everything that our religious demagogues cursed as ugly. An open mind will accept it as something natural as much as it is glorious. Those whose ideas are molded by an archaic religion or morality, will develop an intolerance and an opposition to the sex act. It is through this act, the one solemn and warm moment, that a person may find themselves at peace, whether it is something as simple as sleeping side by side with a lover, or something as pleasurable as sexual stimulation -- sex is a method of communicating with someone where words fail.

     Such vivid ideas and yet one must think that they are improper, indecent, even immoral -- at least, a member that grew up in our society. The day the first animal was born was also the day that sexuality was born. All the aspects of sex that we understand today have slowly been incorporated as evolution pushed animal life further. The most absurd thing a man could do is censor what has been normal, natural, and a part of everyday life for the past several hundred million years.

     It is unfortunate that any society on this planet should treat the genders different in any respect. The aspirations, hopes, dreams, and fears of an individual may have some relation to gender, admittedly so, but they are sprung from personal experience. When a person yearns for liberty in an otherwise oppressive state, it is the natural longing that every free soul is born with. When we find that person has fallen in love with the idea of poetry, expression, and art, it does not arise out of one gender or the other, but from the mind's natural inclinations. So it must be true, when we see a person hoping or admiring something from afar, too shy to approach it, that it is a part of individual beauty, and not a marked attribute of either gender. However, so much that each person is an individual, based on their personal growth, we must understand that the two genders are not wholly equal in all respects. There are marked differences in them, such differences which must be accepted and respect if a true justice is to reign.

     For example, when it comes to the question of sexual selection, or selectivity and promiscuity, our observation seems to drive us to the opinion that men are less selective while women are much more so. We find that men are much more willing to engage in sex, while women are much more selective in who they are going to have sex with. Ten minutes of conversation and then a proposal for sex (in whatever form) may seem like an acceptable approach to a male, but it may even be insulting to a woman if it is put indelicately. When a concerned individual polls opinions of both sexes, finding that males are desirous of sex, while women are desirous of sex with a more person whom they were much more selective in choosing. This person may make the judgment that one sex is, in fact, wrong for its opinions on sex. They will call men thoughtless, cruel, and even degrading in their pursuit of the ten second high -- or, they will call women frigid, manipulative, and even a tease in their pursuit of what they feel is a selectively chosen male. One person may feel in condemning one sex or the other, for their attitude towards the other sex, when they feel that sexuality for both sexes is the same, even though a clear observation of our world will show that it is not. It may be true, as well, that men can be found to be selective and women can be found to be promiscuous. They are neither good nor bad for overcoming the role that was placed for them. The humane attitude that we all must accept is that an individual's approach to sex is neither good nor bad, but a preference like any other. To condemn a person as cruel and heartless for their promiscuity or as unfeeling and manipulative for their selectivity, is just as unjustified as to condemn someone for preferring the taste of strawberries over apples, or vice versa.

     There are, however, examples of approaches to sex that are indeed harmful. An individual who approaches sex, with no regard to the other individual's approach, is indeed harmful. An example of this would be a man pretending that his affection and kindness were genuine, in order that a woman would select him, for a rather fake approach that she believes to be true. Or, in the reverse, a woman who uses a man, by promising the sex act in exchange for other things, disguised as friendship, but never delivers. However, to know that these approaches to sexuality are immoral, in that they destroy lives and crush dreams, it is nothing surprising or even revolutionary. Any act that harms another, that causes pain without justification, is immoral. The revolutionary aspect of this idea, though, is that -- contrary to what many people -- an individual's approach to sexuality is not immoral, but it is only immoral if they disrespect the approach of another by causing them harm through it.

     One must be curious, though, as to the origin of the differences of the genders, or at least why one is more selective than the other. To quote Charles Darwin, "The female often differs from the male in having organs for the nourishment or protection of her young, such as the mammary glands of mammals, and the abdominal sacks of the marsupials." [The Descent of Man, by Charles Darwin, chapter 6, part 2.] Since it is the females who are going to be raising offspring, the females will usually be selective, only choosing strong and fit males, as partners, so that their offspring will be strong and fit. The reason why a mother would prefer well adaptated offspring could either be their reasoning (conscious or unconscious), or, more likely, instinct, molded by hundreds of millions of years of evolution. It is no doubt that there is natural selection in the wild that the those most fit to their environments will survive. So, it must also be true that natural selection will bring about a female of a species that is selective in producing children. Of course, it is different for every species. In some, it is the male that is selective, and in others still rarer, it is the male who carries and nurtures the offspring (as is the case in some fish).

     From our observations of the other species of this planet, it is quite clear that an individual is genetically predisposed to selectivity or promiscuity. Or, perhaps, it is not so much genetic predisposition, rather than simple conditioning. Perhaps living with what we are given, our own naked bodies, we quickly develop an attitude either of promiscuity or selectivity. However, from a quick observation of society, of the particular rarity of females that are promiscuous, or of males that are highly selective, a scientific mind would be more inclined to believe that the sexuality of humans has a great deal of its root in genetics. Still, though, there is the possibility that I am wrong in this. The evidence points to the contrary. What, then, is the relevance of this? It helps us understand the origin of sexuality, and thus helps us make better decisions. If it is true, then that our approach to sexuality is partly genetic-caused, because of our gender, then a man cannot be blamed for wanting to have sex with someone he's never met -- and a woman cannot be blamed for not wanting to have sex with someone she's known for six months. Consider, though, if evidence were to arise that would indicate that approaches to sexuality are not genetic or gender-based, but conditioned. Even so, a person's approach to sexuality is their own decision to make, whether they repress or embrace their natural inclinations about it. A person is not immoral or cruel for their decision in this aspect, any more than a person is immoral or cruel for their decision to like one music type over another, or to like one food over another.

     With all the experience that I have gathered over the years, I have made the decision that promiscuity, with safe and respectful conditions, is perhaps the policy most conducive to happiness and liberty. By allowing yourself to say what you feel, using your body, towards those you love and care about -- it is the most genuine expression of peace, of kindness, of genuine and sincere affection. Whether sexual or not, a physical experience with another person can alleviate stress, pain, or misery. Unfortunately, the world's most vindictive and mindless religion has decided to apply guilt to the most liberating act, to make it a sin to feel free, and the people believe it, as they become convinced that liberty is a lie. Promiscuity means doing what you want with consenting partners, whereas selectivity means holding back on doing what you want, and feeling that you are being virtuous for it. I believe and practice promiscuity, because it has the ability to maximize happiness, security, and peace. In a world where governments use terrorism as an excuse to destroy civil liberties, and corporations use free trade as a legal loophole to exploit labor in third world nations -- what moral leader, could argue that the happiness and peace of the sex act, is degrading? How could one argue that it is an abomination, an act of vileness and disgust -- when it is the one act, that has managed to make so many hearts still sing the song of liberation in the nuclear era? Those who oppose sexuality on moral grounds are ignorant, depraved, or full of ancient prejudices, or all three. To insult the character of something, that has brought so much passion into so many lives, is to insult the character of goodness.

     Freedom is sitting on a hill in spring with a lover, hoping that the winds never stop, that the clouds keep going, and that in a few hours, stars will blanket your sleep.

     There is one thing to understand, though, about how I feel about promiscuity. As much as I believe it would benefit people to throw off their social conditioning about sex, I do not believe that anyone should put themselves in an uncomfortable or uneasy position. A girl, who all her life has decided that sex is an evil, but just decided that it is a positive act, may find a lack of comfort in engaging in an orgy, in fact, a great lack of comfort. I am only asking people to do this... To do what they feel is right for them, to accept that sexuality is a positive aspect of a person's life, to promote the ideal of freedom -- to never hold back from something they are comfortable with, when it will harm no one. There is one piece of wisdom which I have offered many times, and I will offer it again, because of how perfect it is: each person can only know what is right for themselves, and no one else, and they must make decisions for themselves, and not because of what others want out of them. The blessing of independence...

     Now having covered the great deal of sexuality, of the origin of our emotions, on selectivity versus promiscuity, on the definition of sex and sexuality, I arrive at the final question. Is there Sexism in sexuality? When a man decidedly makes the opinion that he wants to have sex with all the women he sees, is he Sexist for making this connection with women? Being a Feminist (or Anti-Sexist) as much as a Free Lover, it seems that two different trains of thought clash, or so it seems... As far as the sex act goes, rarely is it purely about an impulse, about the thrust of the human sex drive. Often times, it goes to the extent that it is a physical appreciation of the person that you are worth, almost to the degree where it could be called worshiping their body as well as your own. Even if this is not the case, even if a person's interest in another is solely sexual, and they express that it is, how is it a form of Sexism? In no way are they denying rights to the other gender. In no way are they applying the idea that the other gender is inferior. They make no argument for Fascism, no defense for oppression -- they are making a simple, pure, honest statement: that they want sex. It is no more oppressive to desire sex from the other gender, than it is oppressive to want more people around who can play Chess, so that you can have a gaming partner. They are desires, our hopes, our examined experiences and memories melded with our conscience, to develop our personality. The honest expression of who we are is never a crime, and when it comes to sexuality, it is in fact a rather bold, courageous, and beautiful thing, especially in a society so sexually oppressive.

     The Feminist may still inquire, though, "If a man sees a woman, and he wants sex from her, more than he wants anything else from her -- is he not portraying a Sexist attitude?" One may say, in fact, that a person is a Sexist, when they only want sex from one gender and not the other. Or, in fact, if someone were filming a movie about slaves in the south, one may say that they are Racist, because they refuse to let white actors play as slaves, or black actors play as slaveowners. One can call it discrimination all they like -- I find nothing morally reprehensible about it. In fact, it is only being what I would liberally call sane: because a movie about slavery in the south, with white slaves being owned by a black slaveowner, would be absurd; especially if one white slave were to say, "But, sir! Why do you hate me because I came from Africa?" only to hear a black slaveowner respond, "My European people need to have no respect for you African savages." The absurdity is quite clear.

     When filming a movie about black slaves, black actors are required, because it makes for a better final product. Similarly, when you are building a house, you require engineers or architects or carpenters who are qualified in their fields of labor, to produce a quality house. It may be discrimination, but it is not unjustified, it is not immoral, and it is certainly not prejudice. A director that is making a film about slavery in the south would require an actor to be black if he were to play a slave, because it would improve the final product. So, then, what does all of this have to do with a man who wants nothing but sex from a woman he doesn't know? Well, you cannot have sex with willpower, thoughts, ideas, emotions, or any of the like. You can only have sex with a physical body. It is impossible to apply that activity to anything else. When a man sees a woman, and wants nothing more than sex from her, it is because of the nature of sex -- it involves physical bodies. Just as the director of a movie about slavery would require actors that were black for the role of slaves, and just as the architect would require qualified construction workers to build a house, a man who is looking for sex will require a physical body for this activity. When he sees a woman, and wants to have sex with her immediately more than anything, it does not mean that he is degrading her to one level or another (since sex itself is an act to celebrate, not to be shameful of). It does not make any estimate of her mental ability, her moral qualities, or her loyalty. It only accepts the one obvious fact about her: that she has a body that is capable of sex. It is not Sexism, nor is it unjust, cruel, or mindless. The nature of sex is that it requires a physical body -- each person has one. A man desirous of having sex with a woman, because of her body (and having no other interest in her), is not prejudice, any more than a manager requiring qualified workers is prejudice. His actions towards her are different than those he has towards men, or other less attractive women -- they are justified, though, because sex involves physical bodies, and hers is one that he desires. It is no different, at all, than if a manager recognized someone's ability to work well, and wanted to hire them as a worker -- the fact that he has no other interest in him does not mean that he embodies prejudice in his thoughts.

     Sex is a cause of celebration, not a cause of shame. Those who embrace it as the ultimate expression of affection, love, and kindness, will find themselves with one of the most precious gifts that will aid them in developing and growing, and surviving in this world of ours. Those who neglect it, and scoff at it as an indecent practice and a vulgar thought, are without the most pure method of attaining peace and happiness.

     When the first animal was born, the idea of sexuality was born. But it would be respect, justice, and kindness that give birth to tolerance of everyone's approach to sex.


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