Gunner walks over and finds Kevin and Paul.
KEVIN: No, dude, I'm telling you... A 40 of Steel Reserve has more alcohol than a single normal beer mixed with three shots.
PAUL: Then how is it that a 40 of Steel Reserve only gets me buzzed, but a normal beer with three shots will put me on my knees?
KEVIN: Look, it's not my fault that your homosexual tendencies arise when you drink. It's just...
PAUL (laughing): Dude, fuck you!
KEVIN: Look, I drink three 40s of Steel Reserve, and I'm in a fuckin' wheel chair after that.
PAUL: What's the best part about fucking a vegetable? When you're done, you have put her back in her wheel chair.
KEVIN: You know, I'm pretty sure that the joke begins with, "What's the WORST part about fucking a vegetable?" ... Maybe other sexual tendencies arise during sobriety.
PAUL: Yeah, sexual tendencies like I fucked your girlfriend last night.
KEVIN: Which one?... oh, hey, check it out. It's Gunner.
GUNNER: The fuck is up, guys?
KEVIN: Not much. You were looking pretty bad before. You okay now?
GUNNER: Yeah, kinda thirsty. Anyone have any beer?
Paul, who has a backpack, opens it, and pulls out a beer, hands it to Gunner.
GUNNER: Thanks... So, what the fuck did you guys do today so far?
PAUL: Well, it's almost five... So I've been up for a good three hours.
GUNNER: Hey, didn't you have school today?
PAUL: You're a piece of shit.
GUNNER: I know I am.
KEVIN: Nah, Gunner's the fucking shit.
Kevin puts his arm around Gunner's shoulder, and pulls him close, their heads touching for a brief moment, and then releases.
PAUL: Yeah, I just called him a piece of shit.
KEVIN: Paul, shut up before you're wearing my boot as a hat.
PAUL: I -- I don't get it?
KEVIN: I 'unno... These creative methods of threatening people are sometimes straining. The first two years I had it down, but then after a while, I figure just use words like, "boot," "hat," "ass," "teeth," "face," with verbs like "stick in," "break off," "choke on," "shove down," "wear," and after mixing up them up in a sentence, just hope that it comes out good.
PAUL: Hey, Kevin... You keep talking and I'll make sure my boot gives you some severe constipation.
KEVIN: See, that came out really good.
PAUL: No, I was actually threatening you there.
KEVIN: Oh... In that case, uuuummmmm, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you.
GUNNER: The various forms of a threat of physical violence... My best friends in this world wouldn't be talking about anything but this.
KEVIN: Aw, thanks, dude.
PAUL: I don't know. That sounds a bit condescending.
GUNNER: Paul, go give someone a sexual favor or something.
KEVIN: Oooo, that was definitely an abstract art form of the physical threat, because there was no real threat.
PAUL: Speaking of sexual favors...
KEVIN: Yeah, what about your mom?
PAUL: Dude, fuck you.... Speaking of sexual favors, I got tested today, as part of my routine hygiene.
GUNNER: Yeah, I have hygiene. I wipe front to back.
KEVIN: Unnecessary, Gunner. Un. Nec. Ess. Ary.
GUNNER: Oh, I suppose you do it back to front?
KEVIN: Please, do we have to talk about this?
PAUL: I was negative on everything, which is good.
GUNNER: Why the fuck would you worry about that? It's not like you're homeless. You're a fucking house punk.
PAUL: Eat my shit.
GUNNER: No, thanks, I've already had Hepatitis A.
KEVIN: Ha, dude, I've had like, Hepatitis A, B, C... Fuck, I've had Hepatitis Alphabet.
GUNNER: The fact that you're still alive is a modern marvel attributed to the strength of human bodies.
KEVIN: There are five thousand ways to say I'm fucking cool, and that was just one of them.
Tank walks along.
GUNNER: Hey, Tank... The fuck is up?
TANK: Not much, partner... The hell is going on?
GUNNER: Oh, you know, benders and whatnot.
TANK: You? On a bender? No.... way.... Say, I'll buy one of your cigars, though?
TANK: In this little box right here.
Tank reaches down in a cigar box and picks up a cigar out of it.
GUNNER: The fuck...
Gunner goes over and looks. There's a cigar box, with a piece of newspaper next to it, that has sharpie on it, "Cigars -- 50 Cents -- Non-Negotiable."
GUNNER: Now, how the fuck is it that after fifteen minutes of us talking, I didn't notice that fucking thing there?
KEVIN: Oh, I don't know... maybe it has to do with your binging on mind-altering substances? The world may never know the answer to these puzzling questions.
GUNNER: You sound so sarcastic. Now I'm throwing into doubt the time you said you had sex with Whoopi Goldberg.
KEVIN: I never said that.
GUNNER: Oh, yeah, just like you never said you find Hillary Clinton attractive.
KEVIN: Dude, she's not that bad.
GUNNER: I... was joking.
KEVIN: Still, she's not bad.
PAUL: You make me sick.
KEVIN: How can it? I thought a pile of shit with peanuts would give you a fucking erection.
GUNNER: Must we degrade ourselves to this?
TANK: Anyway, here's the two quarters for the cigar.
KEVIN: No, no, dude, that cigar is yours, take it free of charge. Gunner, you take one, too.
Gunner reaches in and takes one.
GUNNER: Don't mind if I do. Anyone got a light?
TANK: Yeah, sure, here...
Tank throws him a lighter, Gunner lights up, and throws it back to Tank.
TANK: Well, I gotta make some tracks. I'll see you kids around later. Be safe and be strong.... or be dangerous and intoxicated.
KEVIN: Right on.
GUNNER: How in the fuck did you guys get a box of cigars?
KEVIN: We walked into that flea market near the feeding area, and we like, took a box of cigars, and basically walked out.
GUNNER: No resistance by the store owner?
KEVIN: Well, before we left, I said, "Sir, you just got robbed," and then we kept walking. It wasn't the owner, just a clerk, so not like they would give a flying fuck.
Gunner takes a long puff on his cigar. Spike and Lily show up.
SPIKE: Hey, Gunner, Kevin... Guess what we just did.
GUNNER: You had sex.
KEVIN: Underneath a bridge.
PAUL: In prison uniforms.
GUNNER: Paul.... Go back to school.
PAUL: Fuck you, Gunner.
SPIKE: We got married.
GUNNER: Aw, fucking cool, dude!
LILY: Yeah, I want to be with him forever.
SPIKE: Check out the wedding rings!
Spike points to a lip ring he has, and so does Lily.
PAUL: Hey, I bet that makes sex even better.
KEVIN: You still need to take a class of sex education, Paul.
PAUL: That might be true, but fuck you.
GUNNER: That's a pretty cool idea that you got lip rings instead of like, finger rings.
KEVIN: I totally fucking dig them.
SPIKE: Are you selling cigars?
KEVIN: Ever since I was five years old, I can remember always wanting to be an unlicensed tobacco salesmen, like one of the Injuns, but one of the cool ones with a mohawk, none of that Cherokee poser shit.
GUNNER: Do you realize how many ethnic groups you just offended there?
KEVIN: Heh, oh damn, right... Jeeze, it seems like whenever I talk these days, I tend to indecently offend someone. Like that one time there was a rally for some mayor, and it was a woman, so I had a sign that said, "Cunts Can't Carry on War." I thought we had a first amendment in the Constitution for a moment, but apparently it hasn't been ratified after 200 years.
SPIKE: Dude, since when did we have a Constitution?
GUNNER: Very fucking nice. (smile)