"I resent him," she said, "I become bitter and angry with him. When I see men and they interest me, I want to be with them, share stories, tell jokes, exchange social insights, and have sex."
"He doesn't sound like a bad guy, though," I said, "You don't tell me that he's verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive. He sounds intelligent and loves his job as a youth educator. Normally, I love getting women away from their asshole boyfriends and husbands, and fucking the shit out of them, because there is an air of perfect justice to it. The one who they very selectively chose as a social and sexual partner, given such tremendous trust and loyalty, only to act like a fuckwad -- I get to take away that abusive partner's domination and power complex. Even if for just one evening or one night, and then I can adore and love the person they cheated, when they vowed to become supporting partners, and instead became assholes. I get to make a mockery of those horrible people, their ideas and beliefs, and ultimately, what they decide to waste their life on."
"I don't hate Charles," she said, "I love him and everything about him is great. I want to spend the rest of my life with him."
"You know what my next question is going to be," I said.
"So why am I with you now?"
"That's the one."
She smiled, "Because I want to taste all the flavors of life, emotionally, culturally, but as my body demands, sexually. I certainly wouldn't mind him tasting other women. I'm confident that he will always return as my best friend. Whenever I bring up these suggestions, we get in a fight. He starts closing up, becoming defensive, and sometimes he gives me these awful looks like he can't trust me, or he's questioning my integrity."
"And then you become bitter?"
"Because the discussion about it makes him crazy, so I just don't even bring it up," she said, "My lover and defender in everything becomes something else in the context of these thoughts, and it is a terrible feeling. So I resent him, and the choices I've made. It makes life bittersweet."
"How do you feel now, though?"
"Well, I still have sex outside the relationship and it satisfies me," she said, "Since we don't need to fight about it and since I have sex with many men, I can't really resent him. Our time is sweeter, gentler, and more fulfilling. After my first night with you, we spent two hours discussing early childhood development, till we were too tired and fell asleep, making love in the morning. I didn't have to be bitter, to have a grudge, or keep any feelings secret."
"You become closer to him because you cheated on him?" I asked.
"Well, yes," she said, "I'm a woman and I have needs. If my life partner can't or won't help me, I'll have to resolve them for myself. And once I can do that, the tension of my relationship with him eases."
"You know, I've heard that you can tell a lover is cheating on you when their touch becomes disingenuous."
"Those are the men and women who feel trapped or tricked into a relationship," she said, "They are so bitter and hateful of their partners, that they want them to find out so that the relationship can do something like suicide. It's the only way for a partnership to end in a morally just way, because it is done through the point that the monogomous partner refuses to concede."
"Do you have any secret wants?" I asked.
"Not to end my relationship," she said, "My secret wants are strictly sexual and platonic."